The father wants to share equal parenting time. The mother wants primary residential custody. She wants their children to live with her but spend every other weekend with their father.
Both parents believe they are being fair, rational, and good to their kids. If they can't reach an agreement among themselves, a court will decide for them.
So who gets the kids? We have argued this scenario from both sides, both for fathers and for mothers. We litigate from the specific facts in each family's situation.
Mothers often can show that they have been the primary care giver for the entire life of the children. This argument can be especially persuasive if the mother has stayed home with the children. Sometimes we put a spin on this argument by showing that the mother is the "detailed" parent or the "structured" parent. While the father's contributions are also important, the children can take advantage of both parents' strengths by living with their mother during the week and with their father every other weekend.
Fathers are appalled by this suggestion. When we represent fathers, we argue that children need a real father, not a visitor. The sundry details of every day life cannot be replaced: feeding, bathing, homework, and getting the children ready for bed. Even if this was not the father's primary responsibility during the marriage, many things will change after the marriage. Moreover, it is unfair to require the father to support the mother through spousal maintenance (alimony) and child support so that she can retain primary custody of the children.
In the end, we hope that parents can work out an arrangement among themselves without resorting to court. A judge has biases and prejudices like any other human. A court would make its decision based on a limited amount of evidence. It is impossible to guess in advance what little detail will trigger a response from the judge. Parents leaving family court often consider the results irrational and unfair.
No one loves your children as the parents do. We hope the parents can keep control over their own children without turning them over to the stranger in the black robe.
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1 comment:
The one thing that parents need to remember is that getting the children isn't "winning". No matter what, the children are losing. Parents need to do whatever they can to minimize the tension in a custody battle, and understand that both parents are important, regardless of who "wins".
Just because the papers say every other weekend, that doesn't mean that it has to be that way. Parenting plans are fall backs that are to be used when the parents are having a disagreement. It can only benefit the children if they have more contact than what the parenting plan calls for.
Remember, you have to co-parent with this person FOREVER, not just until they are 18. Don't think about the school play, think about the wedding. I cannot tell you how many people I know just eloped because they didn't want to deal with their divorced parents fighting. It really is sad when a grown adult still feels that they are being put in the middle, so do what you can now to avoid this.
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